I recently watched a friend, a bit frustrated with his guitar. "I've been practicing every day for months," he said, "and I still can’t play the songs I want. It feels like I’m not making progress." His story felt familiar. I’ve seen it in others, and even in myself when I was learning new languages or when I’m writing and feel like I can’t reach the level of quality I’d like.
But when I stop and think about it, I remember those moments when so many of us feel trapped by the thought of “I should have already achieved this by now.” We start something new full of motivation, but at some point along the way, those expectations become a heavy load that blinds us to the real value of learning.
The Trap of Expectations
Has this happened to you? You start something new — a hobby, a personal project, or a life change — and, in the beginning, everything is exciting. You imagine the final result: speaking a new language fluently, running a marathon, writing a book, or simply becoming a better version of yourself.
But as time goes by, reality doesn’t look like what we pictured. You see others moving fast, making it look easy. Social media doesn’t help either; everyone seems to be living their best lives, reaching goals effortlessly, while you keep stumbling. I’ve seen this story play out time and again, that feeling of not reaching the success we expect. “Others achieve it in just a few months,” we tell ourselves, ignoring everything we’ve learned along the way.
The Mirage of Perfect Progress
Something I notice is how we imagine progress as a straight line upward: each day should be better than the last, right? But real progress is more like an improvised dance — sometimes you move forward, sometimes you step back, and sometimes you just stay in the same place, learning a new step.
It happens often:
- People get frustrated because they’re not reaching the skill level they imagined at the start.
- Some abandon their goals because progress doesn’t feel like enough compared to others.
- Others don’t see the change because they’re focused on the ideal rather than the real progress.
We all reach a point of frustration because we’re not getting the progress we expected or the recognition we wanted. We feel tired, and sometimes we break down on bad days. But it’s rare for us to think about all the experience we’ve accumulated on that journey. We just focus on what’s missing and fail to see what we’ve accomplished. We are better versions of ourselves — just not the idealized version we imagined.
The Value of Enjoying the Journey
What’s interesting is that real growth often happens in those "lost" days, practicing chords over and over, having those “imperfect” conversations in a new language, the days we skip exercise, or those drafts and brushstrokes that never seem quite right. In those moments when it feels like nothing is happening, that’s where true transformation occurs.
I’ve seen people who, by shifting their focus, discover subtle improvements:
- A better posture while running that they hadn’t noticed before.
- The ability to solve problems that initially seemed impossible.
- Internal changes, like greater patience or understanding toward themselves.
Learning to See the Invisible
The key isn’t to lower our expectations but to learn to see in a different way. Like when you learn photography and start to notice light, shadows, details that went unnoticed before, celebrating mistakes because they teach us something new and enjoying the process — not because it’s easy, but because it’s real.
Sometimes it’s a matter of pausing to ask ourselves:
- What skills have I gained along the way?
- What has this process taught me about myself?
- Where have I improved that I didn’t see before?
This shift in perspective helps uncover a type of growth that, although not immediate, is deep and lasting.
Conclusion
It’s easy to get carried away by expectations and forget the value of each step we take. But when we learn to see beyond the final result, we find that the true art of growth lies in what we learn and who we become along the way. Goals are important, but those small moments and steps are what transform us in the end.
Join a Supportive Community
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Fostering a Positive Mindset
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Photo by Vlad Bagacian on Unsplash